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"Why? You want to know why?
Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and peels off, roll in coarse salt, then pull on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight.
Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all "a disappointment." Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don't want to feel any of this. Puke and starve and cut and drink because you need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it's too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can't stop.
Look in the mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everysinglething is wrong with you.
"Why?" is the wrong question.
Ask "Why not?""

- Laurie Halse Anderson, "Wintergirls"

230612

"Occasionally I wished I could walk through a picture window and have the sharp broken shards slash me to ribbons, so I could finally look like I felt..."

- Elizabeth Wurtzel, "Prozac Nation"

220612

"I wonder which of those 

brought her to this place,

what monsters-internal or

external-she has fought.

I wonder what drives her

to give in to the goddess

of lust and sharp edges,

open her skin and bleed,

to purposely walk where most

digress, lost in the moment.

I wonder how it feels

to possess such courage."

- Ellen Hopkins, "Impulse"

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Picture // private

I love that quote. The first time I was committed, I carved it into the wall with a pen. The 2nd time, I was in a secluded room, so I couldn't see it, but the 3rd time, I was given the same room again, and it was still there... the ink was almost gone, but the marks were still there, and you could still clearly see what it said. I wrote over it again to make sure it'd be even clearer.