I wrote this poem when I was in a psych ward in July/August last year. I had reached out for help without extreme measures, and was heard - in a way. They were condescending and kicked me out after four days, but it was something. I was lying in bed there, thinking about my boyfriend. I've been asked how it's possible that he's helped me if I still struggle with the things I do even though I have him. This is what came of it. It might not be a big thing for others, but it is for me. It was originally written in my native language, so I'll include the original below the English translation.
Lucifer’s Hands
Lucifer’s hands
lay around my throat
He tightened his grip,
and made it impossible to breathe
He created
a chaos of thoughts and urges
That ended with cuts and blood,
pills, and all that followed
I tried
to run, escape, flee
But he always caught up with me,
and dragged me back into the abyss
He trapped me
in an eternal vicious circle
The pain was the only way out,
although it never lasted
A slave
of the forces of darkness
All light was bygone,
leaving only my biggest fear
But then,
you were there
Reached out a hand,
offered to listen
From you,
I received help when I fell
You got me back on my feet
without asking anything of me
You,
who also had suffered,
you cared for me,
without an ounce of selfishness
And I
wanted to give the fight another go
More determined than before,
for you
For Lucifer’s hands
lie around my throat
But you made him
loosen his grip
Lucifers hender
Lucifers hender
lå rundt halsen min
Han strammet grepet
og gjorde det umulig å puste
Han skapte
et kaos av tanker og trang
Med følger som kutt og blod,
piller og alt som hørte med
Jeg prøvde
å løpe, rømme, flykte
Men han tok meg alltid igjen,
og dro meg ned i avgrunnen
Han fanget meg
i en evig ond sirkel
Smerten var eneste vei ut,
selv om det ikke varte
En slave
av mørkets krefter
Alt lyst var svunnet hen,
og etterlot kun min største frykt
Men så
sto du der
Rakte ut en hånd,
tilbød deg å lytte
Av deg
fikk jeg hjelp når jeg falt
Du stablet meg på beina,
uten å be om noe i gjengjeld
Du
som selv hadde lidd
tok meg til deg
uten noe egoisme i tankene
Og jeg
ville gi kampen et nytt forsøk
Mer bestemt enn før,
for din skyld
For Lucifers hender
ligger rundt halsen min
Men du fikk ham til
å løsne grepet
Beautiful written^^
ReplyDeleteThank you <3
ReplyDelete