Wednesday 11 April 2012

Lucifer's Hands

I wrote this poem when I was in a psych ward in July/August last year. I had reached out for help without extreme measures, and was heard - in a way. They were condescending and kicked me out after four days, but it was something. I was lying in bed there, thinking about my boyfriend. I've been asked how it's possible that he's helped me if I still struggle with the things I do even though I have him. This is what came of it. It might not be a big thing for others, but it is for me. It was originally written in my native language, so I'll include the original below the English translation.


Lucifer’s Hands 
Lucifer’s hands 
lay around my throat 
He tightened his grip, 
and made it impossible to breathe 

He created 
a chaos of thoughts and urges 
That ended with cuts and blood, 
pills, and all that followed 

I tried 
to run, escape, flee 
But he always caught up with me, 
and dragged me back into the abyss 

He trapped me 
in an eternal vicious circle 
The pain was the only way out, 
although it never lasted 

A slave 
of the forces of darkness 
All light was bygone, 
leaving only my biggest fear 

But then, 
you were there 
Reached out a hand, 
offered to listen 

From you, 
I received help when I fell 
You got me back on my feet 
without asking anything of me 

You, 
who also had suffered, 
you cared for me, 
without an ounce of selfishness 

And I 
wanted to give the fight another go 
More determined than before, 
for you 

For Lucifer’s hands 
lie around my throat 
But you made him 
loosen his grip



Lucifers hender 
Lucifers hender
lå rundt halsen min
Han strammet grepet
og gjorde det umulig å puste

Han skapte
et kaos av tanker og trang
Med følger som kutt og blod,
piller og alt som hørte med

Jeg prøvde
å løpe, rømme, flykte
Men han tok meg alltid igjen,
og dro meg ned i avgrunnen

Han fanget meg
i en evig ond sirkel
Smerten var eneste vei ut,
selv om det ikke varte

En slave
av mørkets krefter
Alt lyst var svunnet hen,
og etterlot kun min største frykt

Men så
sto du der
Rakte ut en hånd,
tilbød deg å lytte

Av deg
fikk jeg hjelp når jeg falt
Du stablet meg på beina,
uten å be om noe i gjengjeld

Du
som selv hadde lidd
tok meg til deg
uten noe egoisme i tankene

Og jeg
ville gi kampen et nytt forsøk
Mer bestemt enn før,
for din skyld

For Lucifers hender
ligger rundt halsen min
Men du fikk ham til
å løsne grepet 

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